The InterAgency Convention From Hell
by SageK
Summary: A convention. It had to happen sooner or later. Chapter 9 - Eureka
1. Hawaii Five0 Steve POV

"To hell with whatever the governor said. This is clearly punishment."

"Yeah, but for what?"

"Pick just about any case, Cuz."

"Would you three can it. This is not punishment. It's an inter-agency - Hey, they've even got some Brits and Canadians- conference for unorthodox and extremely successful teams in a range of military and law enforcement branches."

As Steve McGarrett finished speaking, he met the incredulous gazes of his three teammates. Danny Williams, Chin Ho Kelly and Kono Kalakuana exchanged significant looks before Danny asked, "You memorized the information packet, didn't you?"

Caught, Steve shrugged. "I like to be prepared."

Danny snorted. "Prepared. Yeah. That's why you seem to have forgotten a jacket. This is February, my friend. In northern New York, which, unlike Hawaii, has real seasons. Have you somehow missed the fact that this winter has been called the Snowpocalypse?"

Though he'd traveled the world as a SEAL, Steve had never voluntarily spent time in cold, snowy places. Chin and Kono looked equally dubious as they peered out at the mounds of white visible through the hotel windows. There had been a scramble at the airport, where, upon feeling the chill leaking in from the outside, the three Native Hawaiians had rifled through their bags, tugging on layer after layer of clothing.

In a display of chivalry, Danny had offered Kono his North Face Jacket, as he seemed strangely able to deal with the 25F temperature in his sweatshirt. She'd accepted it with a smile of thanks, too cold to bather with bravado.

Steve had been further disgruntled when Danny, Kono and Chin had ganged up on him, insisting that Danny, more accustomed to winter road conditions, drive. On the way to the hotel, they'd stopped at a Wal-Mart and a Dick's Sporting Goods, where boots, coats, hats, gloves, thermals and all manner of winter clothing had been purchased.

The hotel was an old, sprawling lodge type of place nestled at the base of a mountain. It contained a main building of a lobby, offices, a dining hall and conference rooms, with wings of room branching off from there.

It was in the lobby that Danny posited his punishment theory, looking around at a few of their fellow conference goers, who were lingering by the fire, speaking to staff or simply exploring.

A red suited Mountie seemed to be having a conversation with a big, white dog, chastising the animal for allowing life in the big city to erode his wilderness skills. Beside them, a thin blond guy with an…interesting hairstyle was watching as though this was entirely normal.

By a small display of pamphlets, a slim, African American man was pleading with his three companions. "Please, for the love of God, try to at least pretend to be normal police officers. No performance art or shooting anyone! Stop staring, Wade!"

On one of the couches, a blond man and a dark haired woman seemed to be hunched over a pair of fancy phones, texting rapidly. Occasionally, one of them would tip their screen to the other and exchange words, followed by glances around to see if anyone was listening to them too intently. The words Fargo, Death Ray, Deputy Andy and False Alarm had all been uttered in the last minute.

A large man with a thick English accent seemed to be trying to persuade the hotel staff to have a themed movie night. His suggestion was Bad Boys II.

Crossing the lobby, a tall man in an Eisenhower jacket was speaking to his shorter, younger Latina companion. "Now Duby, think of this as an opportunity to learn cutting edge investigative techniques!"

She seemed less enthusiastic, asking, "What, like how to disinfect an entire hotel hallway like that guy on out floor is doing?"

An exasperated man with dark hair an a moustache was standing by an elevator, looking at the man beside him, who was wearing a helmet, crash padding and a bullet proof vest. Mr. Safety Conscious seemed to be having trouble deciding between the elevator and the stairs.

Okay, so maybe Danny had a point about the punishment. But they hadn't done anything Itoo/I extreme lately. At least not anything Governor Jameson knew about.

"Oh come on," Steve protested. "Maybe they're not even here for the conference at all. They could just be random vacationers."

Clearly, that theory wasn't going to hold water and, with a variety of dubious grumbles and glares (Steve was sure he heard Danny mutter, "Shark Cage."), the others followed him toward a harried looking desk clerk, whose name tag ID'd her as Aimee.

"Hello," she said in a strained voice. "Welcome to Valley Peak Lodge. Checking in?"

"Yeah," Steve said, giving her the smile that usually melted hearts left and right. It had no noticeable effect on Aimee, so he continued. "We're here for the conference. 5-0 Task Force. I'm Steve McGarrett."

Her fingers flew across the keyboard and she nodded. "Four of you? Good. You'll be in the Evergreen Suite. Here are your keys. Would you like help with your bags?"

"We're good," he replied, handing three of the keys back to his team, as the phone on the desk rang, making Aimee twitch. "Thanks."

She nodded, then answered the phone. "Mr. Monk, I assure you, there is no need for you to steam clean the hall carpet…no, you do not need to call the CDC…."

Leaving her to whatever the hell that was, Steve made his way over to where his team was consulting a floor plan of the hotel.

"Evergreen Suite," Chin said, then tossed a thumb at the elevators. "Top floor, take a left, end of the hall. Not too hard to find."

"Might as well drop our stuff off," Danny said resignedly, though he was keeping a wary eye on a middle aged guy who was flailing his arms wildly as he babbled to another man, the latter slumped in a chair, porcupine hairstyle visible over the cushions. Whatever had hands so riled up clearly didn't worry his friend too much.

"I want to put on my warm clothes," Kono said, jabbing her cousin in the ribs to get him moving. Not being stupid, Steve and Danny followed. A cranky Kono meant sore ribs for anyone dumb enough to cross her. Girl had seriously pointy elbows.

Their room was nice, a sitting area and small kitchenette, two doors leading off to bedrooms, each containing 2 queen beds and an attached bathroom. Kono made a beeline for one room, while all three men headed for the other, then paused.

Both Steve and Danny gave Chin Ho a look, but he shrugged. "What, I don't want to room with her."

"She's your cousin," Steve reasoned. "It'd be less awkward for you two to share."

"But she snores," Chin hissed, glancing in the direction of Kono's room. "I'm a light sleeper."

"Me too," Steve said quickly, the grinned when Danny huffed and gave them each a sour look.

"Fine," he grumbled, changing course for the other room. "Not all of us have to have ideal conditions to catch some sleep. Kono, you cool with sharing?"

"You know it, Brah." Steve could hear the laughter in Kono's voice. "No midnight tiptoes!"

Danny's response was a chuckle. "I'll try to restrain myself."

Exchanging amused glances, Steve and Chin carried their bags into the second bedroom. In a low voice, Chin asked, "Think I should mention her habit of sleepwalking?"

Steve snorted. They really should say something.

On the other hand, the results could be funny as hell.

"Nah!" Steve said with a grin.

In addition to the professional benefits of this conference, they were here to relax and have fun.

Chin raised a brow and shrugged. "I'm not sharing a bed with him if he comes in here after she scares the hell out of him. Just saying."

Steve was pretty sure this was going to be fun.

TBC…..

Comments, Please! They help encourage me to keep writing!


	2. Criminal Minds Morgan POV

"This is going to be extremely fascinating, watching such a diverse group of law enforcement professionals interact in a controlled environment. Some of them have personal histories that make you wonder how they've continued on in their fields…."

Taking a sip of his coffee, Derek Morgan listened to Spencer Reid's excited stream of consciousness rambling. He didn't think there was much any of them could do to contain Reid's enthusiasm over the prospect of spending several days in a room with a huge assortment of law enforcement professionals that included a blind detective, a detective who spent 12 years in prison, a federal agent who had survived years of torture overseas, several supposed psychics and all manner of emotionally damaged men and women who still managed to function in their professional lives. After looking over some of their files, he was amazed they hadn't been yanked form duty by their own agency or department psychiatrists…but that was up to the individual department, he supposed.

The younger agent seemed to view the whole thing as an anthropological study, while Morgan saw it as, at best, a chance to talk shop with colleagues and, at worst, a waste of time.

After finishing half of his bagel, David Rossi weighed in. "Can't say I mind a chance to make some new contacts."

As he said that, he smiled at an attractive blond woman. Much to his chagrin, she simply gave him a funny look, then slapped the arm of the lanky man by her side. He glanced at her, then to Rossi, whom she indicated with a wave of her hand, then gave a beleaguered sigh.

"I have to agree with you on that," Emily Prentiss said, nudging Penelope Garcia and motioning with her chin. Derek followed her line of sight to a 30-something man, dark haired and broad shouldered…oh, wait, he was a twin. There were two of him.

"Cute," Garcia agreed with a grin.

Teasing, Derek asked, "Oh, so that's how it is, huh? Somehow I don't think the folks who organized this little adventure meant for us to go 'window shopping'."

From their snickers, he knew they knew he was joking and Garcia added, "No worries, my love. You'll never be replaced in my heart."

"Okay then," he replied, before all of them were distracted by a loud voice from the next table.

"Seriously, you didn't think night terrors, sleepwalking and - this is my favorite, by the way - sleep punching, I did not even know that was a thing, merited a little warning?"

A compact, broad shouldered blond man was glaring at the other two men already seated at the table, gesticulating wildly as he continued, "Not to mention your 'light sleeper' shtick is suck a crock! Both of you slept through the little 3am incident and there was screaming!"

A very pretty young woman of Asian descent joined them, grimacing in apology as she slid into a chair. "Sorry, Danny. I really thought I'd outgrown that. Must be the strange bed."

Deflating, the man - Danny- sank into his own chair. "Not your fault, Kono."

Clearly, Reid wasn't the only…restless sleeper at the convention. Prentiss had drawn the bendy straw (somehow Garcia had decided that the who short straw, long straw thing was mean, so they had wound up using straight and bendy straws. They had already drawn before she realized the inherent straight/bendy issues…), so she was rooming with Reid. As they had in Alaska, Morgan was bunking with Garcia.

Hotch and Rossi just pretended to be above the antic of the younger members of their team, but secretly they were amused. Even now, Hotch was doing that non-smile thing that meant he was laughing on the inside.

A Mountie in full red Serge passed the table, glancing down at the big, white doge beside him. "No, I don't think you need another donut. Your diet already contains far too much processed sugar…Complaining about it will not change my mind."

He continued on to a table that contained an odd assortment of individuals, one of whom tossed the dog a Danish. As the dog enjoyed his treat, the Mountie sighed, "Ray!"

Emily cocked her head to one side and asked, "He's the guy we saw arguing with the fern yesterday, right?"

As Reid nodded, Garcia murmured, "What a waste. Someone that pretty should not be crazy."

"Now you're just trying to make me jealous," Morgan grinned.

With a good natured smile, Garcia quipped, "Oh, no harm in looking. Don't think I haven't seen you admiring some of our sisters in arms."

A 'you got me' smile on his face, Morgan shrugged as his teammates chuckled.

Surrounded by colleagues, some of whom were a bit odd, while others were more than a bit attractive.

Yeah, Derek was leaning towards the idea that this convention wouldn't be so bad after all.

TBC…..

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Comments, pretty please? They encougage me to write more!


	3. Bones Booth POV

"Oh my God…I think that's Jack Bauer."

"What?" Seeley Booth turned to follow Jack Hodgins's gaze across the crowded dining room in search of the legendary counter terrorism agent. Word among federal law enforcement circles was that every time the man tried to retire, a massive crisis would arise and draw him back in. For a while, there had been warrants out on him here in the sates and a bounty on his head from numerous other nations, but again, he'd done something, possibly saved most of the world from nuclear annihilation and he was a free man.

A free man who seemed to have accepted that he was never going to get out of the business, so he'd take a job at CTU, where they let him do his own thing until the next crisis (that most people would never even know about) arose.

Yep, that was Bauer. In person, he didn't look like the sort of guy that could make terrorists wet themselves just by looking at them. He was in good shape, but fairly small with blonde hair and a tan. The dark haired woman he was sitting with was talking and he seemed to be listening intently.

Still, he somehow radiated a concentrated vibe of 'BACK THE HELL OFF'. Almost everyone was giving the table a wide berth. Anyone who wandered too close got a look, not menacing but still scary as hell.

It was really impressive.

"I heard he once killed 50 people in one 24 hour period," Hodgins said, sounding morbidly fascinated.

"Oh come on," Angela said, sounding more than a little doubtful. "That man does not look like a one man death squad."

"Don't call him that," Booth said quickly. He didn't think it was respectful to refer to a man who'd save so many in such a way. Even if it was kinda accurate. "The man's a hero."

Surprisingly, it was Bones who said, "He looks…sad."

Now that she mentioned it, there was an air of melancholy around the man. Being to go to guy for averting global nuclear Armageddon had to be a bit lonely.

But Hodgins was already off on another tangent. "Look at all the people here…It's like a who's who of the stranger side of law enforcement. I think that group over there is from NTAC, you know, the guys dealing with those missing people who popped up in a fog and now have super powers…Don't give me that look. There's documentation. There's also an ATF team with a rep for getting shot or blown up almost daily and at least one 'psychic', a master con…."

Booth sighed. This was going to be a few days. Clearly, someone in HR had dropped the ball when deciding to send Jack Hodgins, he who had never met a conspiracy theory he didn't like, to a convention filled with oddballs from other government agencies. It was like dropping a kid in the middle of a candy store and telling him to go nuts.

At least Booth hadn't seen any of those wierdos from the X-Files lurking around.

Hopefully, there wouldn't be any really unfortunate incidents.

TBC…..

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	4. Hawaii Five0 Danny POV

"Is it just me, or is anyone else reminded of high school when they look around the room?"

Since sitting down to breakfast, Danny had been contemplating what sort of creative and embarrassing revenge to take on Steve and Chin. He honestly didn't blame Kono for her nocturnal wanderings, but there was no way Chin hadn't known. He should have warned him. And he'd probably told Steve, judging by the snickers, so he was in for it too.

Chin's quiet question made Danny abandon thoughts of revenge, and he, Kono and Steve glance around the crowded dining room. Upon reflection, Danny had to admit that his tem mate's observation was pretty much dead on.

Groups were clustered around tables, not mixing with anyone they hadn't come to the convention with. Eyes danced around the room, checking out the competition, or just checking people out. Clearly, everyone was talking about the other groups and finding them wanting. Some looked paranoid, others curious and a few even looked like they were looking for the dude selling popcorn, 'cause they found this whole thing amusing as hell.

One man, who looked kinda familiar to Danny, was grinning gleefully, scribbling franticly into a small notebook as he tried to watch everything at once. The stunning woman sitting beside him seemed to find his actions funny and peered at what he was writing then blinked and asked him a question. Without stopping his writing, then man nodded off to the side.

At the table beside them, an odd assortment of men were gathered. Three of them, a young fellow who looked more like a college student than a cop, an older man with a bushy, black mustache and another younger man with long brown hair, were inhaling an almost staggering amount of food at an alarming rate. Three other men were quietly sipping coffee, while the seventh appeared to be sleeping in his seat.

It was a little early, but not that bad.

The youngest one said something to Moustache and they both turned to grin at Long Hair. Each plucked something from his own plate and arms moved back to launch said food across the table at their sleeping team mate. Without opening an eye, the sleeper held up a finger and said something that caused his friends to quickly put their intended projectiles down and attempt to look innocent.

The other three just looked amused.

At another table…actually, it looked like two tables had been pushed together to make room for a very large group. It was close to the buffet table and they seemed to have hijacked one of the enormous chafing dishes filled with bacon and eggs. One of the huge coffee tureens had also migrated onto the table and several of the men and women were just pounding down mugs of coffee.

One large, dreadlocked dude turned to look at the buffet table, stretched out a long arm and speared a cantaloupe with an enormous knife.

Danny whipped his head around and let out a sigh of relief. Steve hadn't seen that particular bit of _unique _cutlery. If he had, Danny knew there would be knife envy related pouting going on.

From her seat, Kono caught his eye and raised her brows. She'd seen the knife as well. Good. That meant he had help in trying to make sure Steve stayed far, far away from Dreadlocks. Their meeting could only lead to blood and violence and wounded egos.

"Oh my God, peel that!"

Damn it. Even in the crowded room, whomever chose to say that had the sort of voice that carried. The fast talking complainer with the hands (and, yes, Danny saw the irony in calling someone else that) from the lobby yesterday was peering at Dreadlocks over his personal vat of coffee. Dreadlocks smirked and took another bite of his still skewered cantaloupe.

Oh, shit, Steve had definitely seen that…and he was looking at the normal knife beside his plate as though it was supremely disappointing.

This was not good. Where was a distraction when you needed one? A naked girl, someone lighting themselves on fire, a criminal in need of dangling off a roof, an act of God. Anything to distract Steve from the really big knife.

Chin and Kono were also glancing around, a desperate gleams in their eyes, joining him in search of something, anything…Oh, hello, who was the overly pink woman with the microphone?

"Excuse me! Could I have everyone's attention please!" She ignored the cringe inducing shriek the microphone emitted and plowed on, not realizing no one was truly interested in her. They just wanted to find out what the hell was making the annoying noise. "GOOD MORNING!"

Okay, her voice was more annoying than the shrieking microphone.

And why the hell was she so pink? That couldn't be normal? Maybe she had CO2 poisoning, but normally a person would be very dead before they reached that color…

"For today's activity, we're going to be breaking up into groups. On the rear wall, you'll find your table and listed by your name. I think this will foster friendship and camaraderie!"

Lady seriously didn't know how to read a room. There were more than a few actively hostile gazes directed her way and even more annoyed faces. There were a few bemused folks, but they were few and far between.

Rising to go check out the aforementioned list, Danny cringed when Steve said, "Anyone get a good look at that guy's knife? It was strange…usually I can ID…."

"Yes, yes, we know," Danny said, positioning himself beside Steve to physically herd him toward the back of the room and away fro the armed giant who was still grazing at the buffet, "We're all very impressed by your vast and terrifying knowledge of all things sharp, pointy and deadly, but for today can we just pretend you're a normal person without a weapons fetish, hmm?"

Kono and Chin smothered grins, but flanked them so as to assist with Steve-wrangling. It was a testament to their teamwork, the way the three of them could band together without a word in order to reign in their slightly crazy boss.

Still didn't mean Danny wasn't going to get his revenge.

When they reached the back wall, it was Chin who located their names and let out a troubled, "Huh."

"Huh? What huh? Huh is never good."

Chin pointed at the list. "They're splitting up the groups and putting everyone with a random assortment of people from other teams.

Oh, for fucks sake. This would not end well.

TBC…..

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	5. Note: Possible Fandoms

Okay, this is for everyone who has been wondering what fandoms are being referenced. This is my master list, so not all the shows listed have been referenced yet, but I just wanted to give folks the option to know what they are.

**24**

Jack Bauer

Chloe O'Brian

**The 4400**

Meghan Doyle

Tom Baldwin

Diana Skouris

Jed Garrity JR

Jed Garrity JB

Marco Pacella

**Bakersfield PD**

Capt. Renny Stiles

Sgt. Bill Hampton

Det. Paul Gigante

Det. Wade Preston

Denny Boyer

Luke Ramirez

**Blind Justice**

Lt. Gary Fisk

Det. Jim Dunbar

Det. Karen Bettancourt

Det. Marty Russo

Det. Tom Selway

Hank the dog

**Bones**

FBI Agent Seeley Booth

Dr. Temperance Brennan

Dr. Jack Hodgins

Angela Montenegro

Dr. Camille Saroyan

Dr. Lance Sweets

**Castle**

Capt. Roy Montgomery

Det. Kate Beckett

Det. Javier Esposito

Det. Kevin Ryan

Richard Castle

**Criminal Minds**

FBI Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner

Senior SSA David Rossi

SSA Derek Morgan

SSA Emily Prentiss

SSA Spencer Reid

Penelope Garcia

**Due South**

Lt. Harding Welsh

Ins. Meg Thatcher

Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski

Constable Benton Fraser

Det. Jack Huey

Det. Tom Dewey

Diefenbaker the wolf

Constable Renfield Turnbull

**Eureka**

Jack Carter

Jo Lupo

**Hawaii Five-0**

Lt Comm Steve McGarrett

Det. Daniel Williams Haole

Det Chin Ho Kelly

Det Kono Kalakaua

**Hot Fuzz**

Inspector Nicholas Angel

Sgt. Danny Butterman

DS Andy Wainwright

DC Andy Cartwright

Sgt. Tony Fisher

PC Doris Thatcher

PC Bob Walker

**In Plain Sight**

Stan McQueen

Mary Shannon

Marshall Mann

**Justified**

Art Mullen

Raylan Givens

Rachel Brooks

Tim Gutterson

**Keen Eddie**

Superintendant Nathaniel Johnson

Inspector Monty Pippin

Detective Eddie Arlette

**Law and Order: CI**

Danny Captain Ross

Det. Bobby Goren

Det. Ales Eames

Det. Zach Nichols

Det. Megan Wheeler

**Law and Order UK**

DI Natalie Chandler

DS Ronnie Brooks

DS Matt Devlin

**Law and Order SVU**

Capt. Don Cragan

Det. Elliot Stabler

Det. Olivia Benson

Det. Odafin Tutuola

Det. John Munch

**Life**

Capt. Kevin Tidwell

Det. Charlie Crews

Det. Dani Reese

Det. Jane Seever

Off. Bobby Stark

**Magnificent Seven- ATF**

Chris Larabee

Buck Wilmington

JD Dunne

Vin Tanner

Ezra Standish

Josiah Sanchez

Nathan Jackson

**Medium**

Lee Scanlon

Allison DuBois

**The Mentalist**

Teresa Lisbon

Patrick Jane

Kimball Cho

Wayne Rigsby

Grace Van Pelt

**Middleman**

The Middleman

Wendy Watson

**Monk**

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer

Randy Disher

Adrian Monk

Natalie Teeger

**NCIS**

Leroy Jethro Gibbs

Anthony DiNozzo

Ziva David

Timothy McGee

Donald Mallard

Abigail Scuito

**NCIS LA**

Henrietta Lange

G Callen

Sam Hanna

Kensi Blye

Marty Deeks

Eric Beal

**Numb3rs**

Don Eppes

David Sinclair

Colby Granger

Liz Warner

Nikki Betancourt

Charlie Eppes

Larry Fleinhardt

Amita Ramanjuan

**Once A Thief**

Victor Mansfield

Li Ann Tsei

Malcolm Ramsey

Jackie Janczyk

**Psych**

Karen Vick

Carlton Lassiter

Juliet O'Hara

Shawn Spencer

Briton Guster

**Sanctuary**

Helen Magnus

Will Zimmerman

Henry Foss

Ashley Magnus

Kate Freelander

**Sentinel**

Captain Simon Banks

Det. Jim Ellison

Blair Sandburg

Det Megan Connor

Det Joel Taggart

Det. Henri Brown

Det. Rafe Van Rand

**Southland**

Lydia Adams

Josie Ochoa

Russell Clarke

Sammy Bryant

Chickie Brown

John Cooper

Ben Sherman

**Stargate Atlantis**

Richard Woolsey

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard

Major Evan Lorne

Dr. Rodney McKay

Ronon Dex

Teyla Emmagan

Dr. Carson Beckett

**Stargate SG-1**

Colonel Cameron Mitchell

Colonel Samantha Carter

Dr. Daniel Jackson

Teal'c

Vala Mal Doran

**Third Watch**

Det Faith Mitchell

Maurice Boscorelli

John Sullivan

Ty Davis

Sasha Munroe

Brendan Finney

**Touching Evil**

Hank Enright

David Creegan

Susan Branca

Bernel

Jay Swopes

Mark Rivers

**The Unusuals**

Sergeant Harvey Brown

Detective Jason Walsh

Detective Casey Shraeger

Detective Eric Delahoy

Detective Leo Banks

Detective Allison Beaumont

Detective Henry Cole

Detective Eddie Alvarez

**White Collar**

Peter Burke

Diana Barrigan

Clinton Jones

Neal Caffrey

**Wire in the Blood**

DI Alex Fielding

DS Kevin Geoffries

D.C. Paula McIntyre

Dr. Antony Hill

**Torchwood**

Jack Harkness

Gwen Cooper

Owen Harper

Toshiko Sato

Ianto Jones


	6. Eureka Jo POV

Whatever morons were running this exercise in stupidity had decided that today they would break up the established teams and assign them to work with a group of strangers. Twenty groups of 10 or 20 strangers, all of whom were in professions that required them to have a healthy dose of discretion.

Yeah, that was going to work well.

They gave them an hour to make their way to their assigned tables and make nice before the "fun" would begin. Unless the "fun" included using the overly perky MC for target practice, Jo doubted she was going to enjoy it.

Reluctantly, she and jack had split up to hunt down their individual groups. She located table 5 with little trouble and glanced at the little, folded place markers. Seemed like there would be 10 people at the table.

Several of the seats were already occupied. A sliver haired man in his 50's seemed to be having a stony faced staring contest with the 40-ish, black clad blonde guy. Another man in his 40's, with brown hair, khakis and a navy polo shirt was turned around in his chair, looking across the room, mouthing something that looked like ,"Behave!"

A young, excitable looking man with dark hair was wearing a suit (probably in a failed attempt to look older) and chattering away at a quiet, 30-ish brunette man. At least, compared to the kid he seemed quiet, as he had yet to say a word, merely nodding while wearing a bemused expression.

Finding her name card, Jo took a seat.

Blondie and silver broke their staring contest long enough to nod at her, offering a "Miss," and "Ma'am," respectively, before resuming silent hostilities.

Mr. Polo Shirt was, by now gesturing at someone, attempting to be subtle as he hissed, "Neal! Damn it, I know you can see me. Behave!"

The kid leaned over the empty seat between them to offer Jo his hand. "Hi there! I'm Lance Sweets. I'm and FBI psychologist."

"Deputy Jo Lupo," she replied, loosening her grip when hi flinched. "Eureka Sheriff's Department."

"A deputy? Interesting. Already a diverse group…"

"Tim Gutterson, Marshal Service." The quiet guy spoke and she felt the hair on the back of her neck prickle in recognition even before he continued, "You were a Ranger, right?"

She nodded. "Thought I recognized your name. Sniper?"

"Yes, ma'am. Demolitions was your specialty, if I recall correctly."

Well, at least one person in the group would be tolerable. Tilting her head toward the starers and Mr. Polo Shirt, she silently asked what their deal was. Gutterson shrugged. Clearly, he didn't think it was any of his business.

Just then, another blonde man arrived, sitting down to the right of Blondie. The new arrival was 50-ish and smaller than black clad Blondie, but he still managed to radiate an impressive amount of disgruntled menace.

After a moment, she realized the new arrival was Jack Bauer. The man was a legend in the field of counter terrorism.

Huh.

She thought he'd be taller.

Again, Dr. Kid played the role of greeter and Bauer replied in a low, gravelly voice. He seemed good natured enough, humoring the kid's babble, which was surprising given his reputation.

Another two men arrived within moments of each other, both tall and blonde (what was with all the blonde guys?), one leaner and the other more muscular. Both were attractive and Jo blinked. They looked like they could have been brothers or living Ken dolls…and also kind of like Jack.

Very weird. She'd have to ask him about his parents. Maybe they'd been involved in one of the earlier genetic research studies. It wouldn't shock her at all to discover they shared at least some DNA.

"Hey, Eddie Arlette," the muscular guy said with a pleasant grin.

The other man nodded. "Tom Baldwin."

Neither of them seemed inclined to the sort of happily benign babble that the kid was spouting, but they seemed equally disinterested in glaring at each other or anyone else. Frankly, they both looked kind of resigned to this whole, stupid thing.

That was probably a popular opinion.

With just a few minutes left to their 'get to know each other' time, a final man, also blonde (of freaking course) made his way to the table, holding a dog's lead. "Is this table 5?" he asked, turning in their general direction without actually looking at anyone.

Clearly, he was blind. Jo was curious how a blind man could work as a cop, but she pushed the question off to the side to say, "Yes, it is."

"Empty seat at your 5 o'clock," Silver said, still engaged in his unexplained staring war.

After taking his seat, the new arrival said, "Jim Dunbar. NYPD and this is Hank."

The big German Shepherd looked up when he heard his name, then proceeded to make himself comfortable under the table.

Before anyone else could comment, a young woman in a pink polo shirt and headband (Where the hell were they finding these overly pink women? It was unnatural, but at least she wasn't quite as offensive as the MC had been) bounced over to their table and said, "Hi, I'm Mitzi and I'll be your group facilitator today! I'm sure you all have been chatting away, but for the sake of this exercise, lets all start by saying our names, what branch of law enforcement we represent and how happy we are to be here!"

Even the enthusiastic kid was put off by that display of unbridled inability to read an audience. Silver and Blondie reached a compromise and turned their angry glares at Mitzi while Gutterson shook his head and Mr. Polo Shirt blinked in disbelief. Bauer heaved a sigh of annoyance and the genetic experiments (she wasn't going to call them clones, 'cause she knew clones and they weren't them) looked mildly amused. Even the blind guy blinked and turned his head toward the facilitator as though to stare in shock.

From the echoing quiet in the room, it was clear that most people were having a similar reaction to their group leaders.

It was the kid who shook off the surprise first (or rather, he was the only one willing to actually respond). "Well, hi everyone, I'm Dr. Lance Sweets. I'm a psychologist with the FBI and I'm interested in meeting a diverse group of people from other branches of law enforcement."

Earlier, he had seemed enthusiastic, but after the intensely focused, almost manic excitement of Mitzi, he was down right subdued.

No one else was inclined to respond, so Mitzi scanned faces, showing a surprising display of self preservation by avoiding Silver, Blondie and Bauer all together. Finally, she zeroed in on Dunbar, probably because he wasn't glaring at her. "You!" she declared, jabbing a finger in his direction. "Why don't you tell us about yourself?"

Unsurprisingly, he didn't answer, but as the silence stretched on, he got the hint. "Is she pointing at me?" Dunbar asked, sounding equal parts amused and incredulous.

While everyone else just gave the happy harpy looks of disbelief, Gutterson drawled, "Indeed she is."

"What?" Mitzi said, obviously confused. "What am I missing?"

Heaving a sigh, Jo pulled out her phone and held it under the table, texting Jack.

_Do you think anyone will mind if I throw the table at Mitzi_?

His reply was quick.

_Mitzi, huh? Ours is Binky. One of they women in my group is already messing with Binky's head…not that it's much of a challenge_.

She smirked, then typed:

_Were your parents involved any genetics studies back around the time you were conceived_?/I

_WHAT_?

With a grin she replied:

_I'll tell you later_.

_JO!_

Huh. Maybe she could have some fun at this thing after all.

_TBC..._

_

* * *

_

_Comments, pretty please? _


	7. Hawaii Five0 Kono POV

It was actually kind of fun, watching Bobby, a big New York detective, and Tony, a slim British psychologist, mess with Kip, the perky guy leading their group. The more either of them talked, the more flustered Kip became and pretty soon he looked like he was considering jumping out the picture window to get away from them. Especially when Tony brought up Kip's badly covered inferiority complex.

"Maybe he doesn't have a complex," Lassiter, the dark haired detective from Santa Barbra, said, not looking up from whatever he was doing with his phone. Kono was pretty sure she'd seen the phrase 'Squirrel Assassin' on the small screen and she couldn't decide if she wasn't to know more or not. "Maybe he's just inferior."

The blunt way he said it made several of the others scattered around the table snicker or, in the case of the more kind hearted souls, try to hide their smiles of amusement. Only Abby, the happiest Goth Kono had ever met, frowned at Lassiter and then grinned reassuringly at Kip. "Don't worry! There must be something you're good at. Granted, it might not be this, but everyone has some sort of skill!"

Kip tried to smile, then excused himself to find some worksheets.

Crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair, Reese, a detective from LA, said, "Ten bucks says he's going to go cry in the men's room."

Colby, a nice looking FBI agent with a pleasant smile, snorted. "Doubt you'll get any takes against that bet."

Nodding in agreement, Ben, the cute LAPD Rookie who was even younger than Kono herself, kept up his seeming refusal to talk. In fact, if Kip hadn't coaxed him to reveal his name and where he worked (before Kip had his breakdown, of course), Kono kind of doubted he would have opened his mouth at all. Mostly, he just seemed to watch everyone and everything.

"Since we seem to have broken our group leader, you think anyone will complain if we just go?" Detective Kevin Ryan, NYPD, asked, half joking. Kono smiled at him, 'cause, well, why not? He was just adorable, with those pretty blue eyes and the cute little vest.

"I think she might." Colby had noticed Kip's boss making a bee line towards their table, looking…it was hear to read her expression, as she'd clearly overdone the Botox, but Kono assumed she was unhappy.

"Where is Kip?" she demanded as she drew near them. Her she aimed her non frown around at each of them and said, "Does anyone care to explain."

Oh, game on lady.

"Well, it seems to us," Daniel, an archaeologist who worked with the Air Force (that had to be a cover story. Seriously, the guy had biceps bigger than Kono's thigh.), looked up at the woman, his expression placid, but there was wry amusement under the surface, "that you tasked a young man, one with limited life experiences and coping skills, with attempting to direct a group of people who don't want anything to do with this exercise in futility."

The human wad of bubble gum gaped at them, then frustrated, she tossed a stack of note cards onto the table. "Each of you take one and write 2 true facts and one lie the card. Put them in a pile and have someone read them aloud. The rest of you try to guess who it is and which fact is the lie."

The she stomped off, possibly to collect Kip from the bathroom…or take a hit from one of the flasks that she had hidden on her person. She smelled like cheap rum. Ick.

Since they couldn't leave, Daniel handed out the note cards and after a few minutes, Kono found herself with the thoroughly mixed stack in front of her. Picking up the first card, she read:

_1. I was not born in the United States._

_2. I have been declared dead more than five times._

_3. I have never woken up with a pounding headache, wondering what planet I'm on._

"Who do you think it is?" she asked, kind of curious herself. Whoever it was had a sense of humor at least.

While the others argued about who the card belonged to, she flipped through the stack, reading random statements off of other people's cards.

_I am not insane, despite what the brass thinks._

_There's a character in a book based on me!_

_My partner lives in a mansion with no furniture._

_I'm in love with someone I shouldn't be in love with._

_It seems like once a week, I end up tackling a suspect, usually into a body of water._

_I don't have many friends, that's nothing new, but I cherish those I do have._

_Having a plan for the Zombie Apocalypse is not paranoid or crazy, it's just common sense._

_Squirrels are disease infested little rodents of death that need to be exterminated._

_My sister's fiancée is a moron._

_I know he's lying and one of these days I'm going to find proof!_

_A friend based a character in his book on me._

_There are voices in my head, but I don't listen to them._

This convention was giving her a whole new appreciation for her team and how sane they really were. She had a feeling that, if things kept progressing like they had been this morning, she'd be missing her daily fix of Steve/Danny, will they or won't they banter before things were said and done.

TBC...

* * *

Comments? They help fuel the muses_…_


	8. Hawaii Five0 Chin POV

For those of you who wanted to know what sentences were which characters, in the last chapter:

_1. I was not born in the United States._

_2. I have been declared dead more than five times._

_3. I have never woken up with a pounding headache, wondering what planet I'm on. _

All Daniel Jackson from Stargate. All true. He'd figure no one would believe otherwise.

_I am not insane, despite what the brass thinks. ~_Bobby Goren. Law & Order CI. True.

_There's a character in a book based on me! ~ _Abby Scuito. NCIS. True.

_My partner lives in a mansion with no furniture. ~ _Dani Reese. Life. True.

_I'm in love with someone I shouldn't be in love with . ~ _Bobby Goren. Law & Order CI. True.

_It seems like once a week, I end up tackling a suspect, usually into a body of water. ~ _Colby Granger. Numb3rs. True.

_I don't have many friends, that's nothing new, but I cherish those I do have. ~ _Tony Hill. Wire in the Blood. True

_Having a plan for the Zombie Apocalypse is not paranoid or crazy, it's just common sense. ~ _Abby Scuito. NCIS. True.

_Squirrels are disease infested little rodents of death that need to be exterminated. ~ _Carlton Lassiter. Psych. True.

_My sister's fiancée is a moron. ~ _Ben Sherman. Southland. True.

_I know he's lying and one of these days I'm going to find proof! ~ _Carlton Lassiter. Psych. True.

_A friend based a character in his book on me. ~ _Kevin Ryan. Castle. True.

_There are voices in my head, but I don't listen to them. ~ _Carlton Lassiter. Psych.

None are Kono's, cuz she wouldn't bother reading her own.

* * *

Somehow, by the grace of whatever god or gods there were, Chin found himself seated at a table with a group of stable, long suffering souls, most of whom seemed to work with crazy people.

He could sympathize.

Their group leader, an unfortunate young woman named Binky (her parents clearly resented her for being born), seemed content enough to let them chat amongst themselves.

"…We never did find the body that went with the severed leg…."

"…It's like being a supporting character on a TV show or something…."

"…Sometimes I feel like I'm wrangling a 6'4" genius toddler…."

"…The five of them are like walking targets. In the past few years, I don't think we've gone a month without one of them being shot, stabbed, blown up, poisoned, concussed…."

"…slapped in the head, but only because he cares…."

"…know the names of every EMT, fireman, cop, not to mention the folks at the ER and poison control…."

"…he says he's not a psychic, but I think he is. There was this one time…."

"…the two of them have this freaky link. I mean, who befriends someone who they put in jail for 4 years or vice versa….

Chin felt he had to contribute to the conversation there. "Boss dangles people off roofs, pretty sure the vein in Danny's temple is going to explode some day. If that doesn't happen, the pool at the precinct says they'll end up married. At least Kono's coming along well."

There were nods of commiseration from the gathered men and women. Lorne, the Air Force officer, merely looked at them wearing the expression of a man who found all of them just adorable.

Glancing around, the man opened his mouth and said, "Anyone else ever had to wrangle a team of cranky marines and 6 scientists, all of whom think they're the smartest person in the universe and all of whom speak different languages. Usually with some sort of potentially world destroying explosive device in the vicinity?"

Looking up from her Iphone, Binky said, "How are you all still sane?"

Good question.

Esposito, a cop from New York, raised a brow at her. "Who says we are?"

Binky blinked an let them get back to their conversation. Chin smiled somewhat smugly. One of the benefits of being the sane one was that when you acted on your inner crazy, people were surprised. Plus, if you surrounded yourself with people whose crazy far outmatched yours, you got a lot more leeway.

He had a feeling that he might actually keep in touch with some of the folks from his group. They could commiserate and swap war stories.

That was the point of this whole thing, right?

TBC...

* * *

Just for informational purposes, the people in Chin's group were:

Paul Gigante

Javier Esposito

Chin Ho Kelly

Alex Eames

Nathan Jackson

Timothy McGee

Burton Guster

Evan Lorne

Grace van Pelt

Clinton Jones

* * *

Comments?


	9. Hawaii Five0 Danny POV 2

"I think it's the hair," Rodney McKay said very seriously and raised a hand above his head flaring the fingers like spikes. "I mean, it's not natural that it does that naturally…is it?"

Danny suspected they'd lucked out, as their team leader Madison had been more than willing to let them talk about whatever came to mind. In the beginning, it had been because of the scary hostility Stabler, the big New York detective had been radiating, but every had mellowed down when Danny liberated several bottles from the unmanned bar. Someone had not thought through that decision thoroughly enough, but Danny was not about to complain.

He'd actually found something of a kindred spirit in McKay, who worked with someone who seemed to be nearly as crazy as Steve. Sure, the Canadian talked a lot and was kinda obnoxious (he'd informed them that he was an astrophysicist many times), but he was funny too, so that evened things out. Plus, the more he drank, the more he listed to the left and Danny was pretty sure he was gonna tip over soon.

McKay seemed torn between complaining (fondly) about his teammates and joining in with the gaggle of techno genius types that seemed to have been assigned to their group. Eric, a blond in a bright Hawaiian shirt that Danny doubted even Kamekona would deign to wear, had said something about the name cards being 'so analog', and that had started the ball rolling.

With his grey t-shirt that pulled tight over thick biceps and interesting hairstyle, Henry didn't look like many of the computer geeks Danny knew. He worked for a place called the Sanctuary Network, which specialized in 'special' situations. He refused to go into detail, but seemed happy enough when the chatter turned to online gaming and something about codes that flew over Danny's head.

The FBI type in the group was Garcia, a pretty blond computer genius whom Danny could not picture working for the FBI. Usually, he hated those guys, but she seemed pretty cool.

Cute little Toshiko was in charge of computer systems and data analysis at an agency called Torchwood. As soon as she mentioned that, McKay, Eric, Henry and Garcia had flipped out, babbling something about aliens, time travel and massive cover ups. She had just smiled and redirected the conversation.

JB, a dark haired NTAC agent had given her wry grin of commiseration. He didn't talk too much about what he did either, though everyone knew some of the story. A bunch of folks popping up out of nowhere, rumors of superpowers, some kind of a cult…Danny would take dealing with Steve's daily attempts to give him an ulcer any day.

The other NYPD detective, Kate Beckett was really stunning. And really tall. It might seem petty, but Danny wondered why she wore heels when she clearly didn't need them. She wasn't a computer guru like many of the others, but she didn't seem totally lost. Instead, she chatted about her team and the antics of her ride along, a novelist.

Turned out she was the cop Nikki Heat, the lead in Richard Castle's new books, was based on. That was pretty cool and the quiet CBI agent Cho had perked up to hear that. He was a big reader and had been interested when she pointed across the room at Castle (who looked to be regaling his table with some kind of story) and promised to introduce them later. Cho had seemed pleased, then they began swapping stories about their consultants. Cho's was a former fake psychic.

"…And oh my God, the women!" McKay continued to rant, waving both hands emphatically. "I swear, the sense when he wanders into a room. And of course, the one who will cause the most trouble gloms on…He pretends like it's all a big shock, but pffff!"

Danny wondered if he sounded as funny when he complained about Steve's antics. More than once, people had compared them to an old married couple and, from this perspective,…he could kind see it.

He needed more whiskey.

Picking up the bottle, he couldn't help but laugh. Jameson Whiskey. Of course.

After a minute, JB reached over, plucking the bottle from his hand and said, "I don't think you need anymore of that right now."

"Yeah," Henry added, knocking back his own drink with a grin, "Don't want to get too blitzed before the 'mixer' tonight."

Stabler grimaced and said, "I forgot about that. Give me the bottle."

Deftly plucking the bottle from JB's hand, Beckett poured everyone a generous shot. "To inter-agency bonding."

Everyone took their drinks and went back to their conversations. Henry, Garcia, Toshiko and Eric were chatting about something incomprehensible. Beckett was describing her odd partnership with a writer to Cho, Stabler and JB.

Danny turned to Rodney and said, "Have I told you about the public shirtlessness…."

TBC….

* * *

People in Danny's group:

Daniel Williams - Hawaii Five 0

Penelope Garcia - Criminal Minds

Kate Beckett - Castle

Elliot Stabler - Law & Order SVU

Kimball Cho - The Mentalist

Eric Beal - NCIS LA

Henry Foss - Sanctuary

Rodney McKay - Stargate Atlantis

Jed Garrity JB - The 4400

Toshiko Sato - Torchwood

* * *

Comments, pretty please? lj-cut


	10. Eureka Jack POV

On a good day, Life in Eureka left you feeling only mildly insane. Over the years, Sheriff Jack Carter embrace that…interesting and sometimes ulcer inducing lifestyle. But sometimes he had a craving for the normalcy he had known pre-Eureka.

So, upon setting off to the convention, he thought it might be nice to spend some time surrounded by normal folks that shared some of his professional interests. Maybe he'd even find some baseball fans.

That delusion was quickly shattered. Some of the folk he'd seen made Eureka's citizens look like paragons of peace and sanity.

A few of the people sitting at his table seemed to agree with him. Devlin, the fair haired London detective, seemed as boggled by the melee as Jack was. His wide blue eyes were observing Reid, the young FBI agent, who seemed torn between psychoanalyzing Crews, a lanky red headed detective whom had done 12 years in maximum security prison, and Jane (despite the name, a guy), a CBI consultant whose family had been slaughtered by a serial killer.

The other British man, Owen, seemed to have tuned everyone out and was playing with his cell phone. The sound of Plants vs. Zombies was identifiable from across the table.

There were only two women in their group, one of whom, Vala (in an undisguised, combined effort with Jane), had reduced their team leader Binky (not the only Binky in the room apparently. Where the hell did they find these people?), to a cringing lump on her chair. The other woman, Dr. Brennan, was trying to watch them all, occasionally commenting. Sometimes, the things she said were a little…off.

He'd had a brief conversation with Marshal Raylen Givens about common career paths (Sometime it seemed to jack that his Marshal career had been a lifetime ago), but after a while Givens had nodded and tipped his hat down over his eyes to take a nap. Yes, he was wearing an actual cowboy hat.

That left Jed Garrity, one of the dark haired NTAC twins. He was pleasant and had a dry sense of humor, but to Jack he was the most unnerving of the group. He and his mirror image were dead ringers for Deputy Andy, minus the ever present, manic grin. Jack was determined to find out if it was some freaky coincidence, if Andy had been based off of their looks or if they were robots too….

Damn, he missed the Eureka headaches. At least he'd gotten used to those.

Out of left field, Dr. Brennan turned her head to Devlin and commented, "You have extremely symmetrical bone structure. Very pleasing."

He blinked, then after a brief pause replied, "Thank you?"

Jack could hear the question in the younger man's tone, but Brennan didn't seem aware of it.

Fortunately for all involved, a loud tapping echoed through the room. The woman whose clothes looked like the fabric incarnation of Pepto Bismol had retaken the stage and was poking the microphone. "Today's group activities have come to a close," she announced, looking far less cheerful than she had earlier in the day. "Please feel free to have a drink and mingle before leaving for dinner.

_Thank God._

They were only one table away from the bar, so they beat the rush. As Jack snagged a couple of beers, he heard a short, blond guy mutter, "No, no, no…he is not making friends with Mr. Ginsu…." before hustling off, another guy on his tail.

Following his line of sight, Jack saw two tall men talking, one of whom was holding a large, viscous looking knife. Strangely enough, as the blonde guy elbowed his way through the crowd to stop by the man with close cropped hair, the other man, with a slightly receding hairline stopped by the man with the dreadlocks.

Both of the shorter men exclaimed, "Oh my God, what are you doing? I can't take you anywhere…."

Then they did a comical double take at each other.

Jo appeared at his elbow and gratefully took the beer he offered her. They pushed their way through the throng of people trying to dull the days inanity with a shot or two of something and, once they reached a safe distance, she turned to face him and ask, "Do you get the feeling that a lot of the people here are a little…weird?"

"Yes," he breathed, glad she saw it too. "Have you seen the Andy clones?"

She nodded. "There's a third wandering around too. Are they…like Andy?"

"I don't know," Jack admitted, then said, "If they are, we should get their programmers to talk to ours, because the one in my group was much mellower than Andy?"

"Mellower than when he has robo-sex with your house?"

Jack grimaced and looked down at her smirking face. "I try never to think about that."

Chuckling, she said, "Oh, hey, there are these two guys in my group who look like they could be your brothers. Any chance papa was a rolling stone?"

With a snort Jack shook his head, then paused and sighed. "Anything's possible, I guess. So…have fun with your team today."

She rolled her eyes in response. "Please. The only entertainment was waiting to see if Gibbs and Larabee would ditch the tare off and throw down. They didn't."

"Miss home yet?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah."

Nearby, Vala, the loud woman from Jack's group had snagged another of the Andy look alikes, this one in jeans and a white button down shirt, no tie. "See!" she declared, pointing across the room, at his mirror images. "Like I told Daniel, a limited but interesting gene pool…."

She trailed off as the disconcerted man hushed her and towed her towards the knot of their colleagues. He said something, causing them all to turn and look across the room…after which they retreated to a corner to have an even more hushed and furtive confab.

That…was unsettling.

"Are the hairs on the back of your neck prickling?" Jo asked with a weary sigh.

Jack nodded. "Like when something gets loose from Section 5."

Clearly she agreed, frowning down into her nearly empty drink. Then she visibly brightened. "It's not our job to deal with it, whatever it is!"

"That's right!" They'd be able to stand back and watch the carnage as observers. Surely it would be more interesting than whatever the event managers had planned for them. "Want another beer?"

"Yeah. I'll get us some good seats."

Maybe they'd find out the story behind the Andy clones without having to do the legwork themselves. That would be a nice change.

* * *

TBC….

Comments, pretty please?


End file.
